Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
