awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Can you repeat that, but with context?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
