she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
FUCK WHALES
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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