Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
