Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
