Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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