Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You're like the curious george of whores
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
