I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So apparently I’m into choking now
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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