I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
