are you so shy because you have an std?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
