Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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