It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
