So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
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Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
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Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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