On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
