Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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