Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We smell like vodka and hangover
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