i wish starbucks made bloody marys
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
