i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
