i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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