i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I checked into jail on foursquare
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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