she smelled like a LAN party
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's blow job season.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
we're so committed to being not committed
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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