Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
