I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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