The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
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booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
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Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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