we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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