Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize