If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
