its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Randomize
