I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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