it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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