dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
