i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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