Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
