Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
