I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
