My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
two words...techno handjob
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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