needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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