I think my vagina is haunted
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
