Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The air taste purple.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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