i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
