"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
