Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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