Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
