you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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