rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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