they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
