U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
