Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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