I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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