What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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