I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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