Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
