my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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