The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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