So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
