i just wanna soil my oats bro
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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