question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
