no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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