I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
false alarm. still invincible.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
