I heard we made out
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
