took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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