just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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