My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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