Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
