Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
