It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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