i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
