Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
