This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My breasts were aching with rage.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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