Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
